Silence hung like shroud of fog
Uncanny and unnatural
The land waned grey beneath its shadow
So I slipped between the cold stone walls
Into the cathedral
Everywhere place of deepest sanctuary.
A scream rose to my lips
As I choked on the death reek
Feet slipping on the blood-slick floor
Inside this mass tomb
The death camp, carnage house
Bodies stacked in hasty piles.
Here lies my missing army
Those who could have fought off the dark
Their laughter will not fill the feasting halls
Their tears will not water the barren soil
Instead they lie in unending sleep
Without names and without faces.
I fled to the street from the slaughter
To find someone to answer
What happened to unhallow the sacred?
Most stared uncomprehending
Turned and walked away
I walked alone the desolate edge of despair.
At the end of my path
A man sat in the shadows
On the ledge of a shallow cave
Face hidden, yet I thought I knew him
So I sat down beside him
Too shaken to cry.
What happened here
In this land of the dead?
Why did they die
When I live instead?
I asked him
Afraid of the wind’s biting chill.
His golden eyes cracked wide open with pain
As the tears I couldn’t find
Ran down his face
Hands clenched against the letting go
Breath caught hard to ward off a blow
Disaster haunting his waking dreams.
I looked in his eyes, this brother of mine
Silently pleading with him to speak
To let down his walls
Dismiss the phantoms who guard them
To catch me before
I broke all through.
He sighed, wind carrying away breath
Bound up together with the names of the dead
Opened his hand, strong arm around me
Setting free words I would never forget
Tale of massacre, innocents slain
Yet mourning still the loss to me.
Death you will see, my child-sister
You will learn well its siren song
It will play on your fears in nights spent alone
Stalk you by day and beguile your dreams
It will cripple your body and poison your soul
Until you’re afraid to ever be whole.
I shrank from his words and the touch of his hand
Closing my eyes and struggling to stand
Missing the ocean as it played on the strand
The cry of the gulls overhead
Taste of the salt on my lips
The light that I once took for granted.
Ground shuddered beneath my feet
As the sky above split open with thunder
Unleashing a storm that obscured everything
Rain pounding hard to crush growing life
Hope died in my eyes as I stared out in vain
Turned back to face him heartsick.
The ones I loved most have died unawares
Their blood stains my hands and will never wash clean
If you cannot teach me, I must go away
Roam through the earth
Walk over the land, ride the sea’s foam
Can you look into my mind and tell me to stay?
His eyes held the ages
The times and the tides
Forgiveness that chased me so I could not hide
His hands could mold history
Hold back the winds
Too strong and too gentle for me to escape.
I’ll send you to the corners
Where times and worlds touch
Once you’ve forgotten
I’ll seek you out there
Reteach you your name, how to breathe
How to tell the real from a dream.
[Aurah is my Dag character; this poem had its roots in a sermon about abortion, the value of life, sin, and the God who is sinned against.]
The Joy I Want... The Eternal Weight of Glory 