I’ve lived through many years
And I still don’t understand death,
When I think about how someone was alive
How now their place is empty
How no breath fills their lungs
How the universe still aches.

You are unbounded by space and time
And I wonder how You chose
When You stepped into this world
To give Yourself up for us
To let Yourself be broken
To make all things well at last.

So now I’m the one on the other end.
Ni zai gan shenme?
And you say
Walking around in the airport.
Talking to me.

I don’t know what faithfulness looks like
In a world that has shrunk to small
Do I sacrifice for a friend
On the other side of the planet?

So now I’m relistening to the music
Mulan and Butterfly Lovers
And humming Zenme Ban
Which seems too perfect.
What to do?

A philosopher said that
You have eight true friends
For all your life
So I count the number on my fingers.

And so I’m praying for wisdom
As we strive to live in this crazy world
Words shooting back and forth
All we have to do
Is decide what to do with the time given us.

The sky was tinged with hints of storm
Dark grey fringing the edges of what had once been blue
Threatening the coming rain
Water to wash the world away.

She shook out her shining hair
Feet springing from the green grass beneath
To the rough grey bark of the tree
As her hands clung tight to the branches.

And the cold wind broke against the strong stone
As the rain turned to frozen ice crystals
Tears on her face and tears from the sky
Both caught in the boundaries of promise.

From the roots of such pain
Would You still grow beauty?
Do You know all the fear
Locked in Your command to trust?

But if perfect love casts out fear
Would You uproot all the idols
Purge away all the fears
And leave me with only perfect love?

It’s not so hard sometimes, you know
When the answers are not verbal
I want so much to touch you
But I’m afraid to hurt you
How do we learn to let go?
Is it safe?
Is it wise?
Can you see through all my lies?

Rain-dark fear, uncried tears
Lost in the mazes of our minds
Exploring the edges of reality
Pushing the borders back
So we can hang on a little longer
Someday the walls will break
Will we be flooded away?
Will anything remain?

And my heart remembers golden days:
Seneca’s cradled sanctuary
Wooden hallway floors
Dagorhir afternoons with laughing wrestling
Driving down new roads.

The wood chips fall
Curling patterns across the floor
And the searing smell fills the room.

And hands brush away the ash
Revealing the design
How the lines lace together.

We trace them, all these years later
Watching them still forming
Looking at how they run back to the roots.

We don’t know
Laughter tangled with tears
But choosing to trust that You’re good.

O mor henion i dhu
And even that is by Your grace
But understanding is not enough
When we were made to breathe this light.

They called You Sun of Righteousness
You said You’re the Light of the World
So here is the valley of the shadow of death
Be my good Shepherd and guide me through.

Men loved darkness rather than light
And therein is our condemnation
Hating the thing first created
As it illuminates how far we’ve fallen.

But You came down to this dark silent planet
The light that we tried to extinguish
And darkness tore through the heart of the day
And we were afraid and ran away.

You split through the stone
Light breaking through darkness
Joyful promise on Your lips
Post tenebras lux!

Once this desert was all fertile land
When I was a child I swear it was so
Clear rivers ran down the tree covered mountains
The fields went gold with grain
Like flame that swept during autumn harvest
And I recall the sky blue as a gem
Curving above my head like a stretched canopy.

Now think back through those years
To that cold season of grey
Rain that chilled as it fell
With promises of disaster to come soaking the soil.
Before an antidote to the poison could be found
Came the heat that scorched and burned
With no clouds to relieve the oppression.

That autumn the raiders came
She’ll still scarcely mention those dark days of death
You’d say she’s unscathed, to look at her now
But you – forgive my saying so – are a stranger
How could you see what you never knew?
Her eyes used to dance with bright joy
But that was before she learned not to cry.

You asked why this land is so barren and parched
Why the children looked at you with empty eyes
What else can I say that can trace out the lines?
Would you watch those you loved die?
Or would you become a killer as well?
You look like you do not believe what I say
So I will tell you the other option.

There is a third way to live in this land
But maybe the most deadly of all.
You cut yourself off and fade into shadow
Build high strong walls and maintain your armor
If you don’t care, how can you be hurt?
But the heart goes hard with brittle pain
And so eyes go dark with untold stories.

You stand up and pick up your coat
Time to hit the road again
Maybe you’re sorry you asked what you did
But I ask that you remember my words.
There will come a time in your life
When the choice will face you
And I pray that you find a way to live.

But
You’ve earned the right
Sitting by the fireplace
Walking along these paths
Till all hours of the night
And when I’m at my worst.

So I will close my eyes and take a breath
And make the words come out.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Here’s the truth of who I am.

And
Funny how we always seem to find
That we’re not as different as we thought
Not so alone, not so broken
That we’re fragile beings in a shattered world
But there is still hope
Of healing.

I have been blessed
Far beyond wild dreams
Out of all proportion to
My heart’s dark fears
They vanished like mist in sun.

So today I stood with friends
Solemn, joyful witnesses
Watching you take vows
That chart your life to come
And I see only grace.