Bride Song

I lay beside you in the dark
And listen to you breathe
Remember all the nights you spent, love
Chasing me through this hollow city?

You traveled disreputable back roads
Alleys lined with cut-throat thieves
You found your way past the false fronts
Through the blaring lights and gaudy noise.

Once already you had found me
A crippled child smeared with filth
Slave to the bondage I was born into
A girl too broken to ever know hope.

Your eyes blazed dark with fury
As you gently set me free
You washed me and you clothed me
And you took me home with you to live.

For a time I was content
Learning to live for pleasure
That spilled over me in your sunshine smile
Knowing that somehow you delighted in me.

But my soul was shot through
With the deep strands of darkness
So I slipped away one night
Tired of trusting that your love would last.

I ran back to the slums where you found me
Scattering the gifts you had given to me
Selling myself to all the safer lovers
I know what they want and it’s easy to give.

I thought you forgot me
I thought I was damned
Dying alone in my self-induced shame
So I built thick walls to lock up my heart.

One night you broke through everything
As light flooded my darkness I shrank from your hands
But you stepped into my place
Despising the shame.

You lifted me gently
And bound me with your eyes
“You must dwell as mine
Through all days to come.”

You would take me back?
It was too much to believe
And your next words cut all away
Shocking my heart back to life.

“I will heal you and hide you
Protect you and guide you
You’ll be my bride
And I’ll be faithful forever.”

Remember that day, love?
When I dared to look into your eyes
And saw nothing but grace
As you spoke the promise that brought me to life.

 

Wine and Vinegar

We come to You
With hands outstretched
Waiting to take
Some grace.

Bare feet on a wooden floor
You would wash them,
I think
As I kneel and watch.

My mouth is filled with bitterness
But You drank holy wrath
Down to the dregs
And I wonder at such love.

 

Why We Need Advent

I hear your words.
Too much like my own –
But I knew that when we started telling stories.

What do I say?
Not, Oh, this isn’t true –
You know that it is.

So instead I agree,
And I push your words further.
It’s how life is; it doesn’t make it right.

I hope that you see
More than resigned despair.
Hear the hope of the Savior-Hero who came.

We talk of pain
And death, and waiting for something better
We need a warrior to conquer ourselves.

The world is wrong
And families are broken
And bodies turn traitor
And children don’t sleep.

We’re tired of waiting.
Please hurry.

Words dance back and forth
Life and death
Tears we won’t cry
Light and shadows.

Do you hear these
Whispers from the dark corners?
Please hurry, Jesus!

Come quickly and touch us.
Breathe life.
We need You, Savior –
God with us.

 

Advent

Weave around my heart
These days of safety
And memories of good
Because everything in this fallen world
Can fall and break so fast too.

Deep in the dark shadows
Of this silent planet’s space-time
I look with weary eyes
Ahead to Your light
And stretch out a hand towards You.

I am running, running
Though some days it’s a stumbling walk
But through it all, I’m coming
Because You first came down to me
God becoming man to taste death with us.

You did more than taste it, Jesus
Drinking long and deep
All that bitter cup of God’s wrath
And now You intercede
For us, Your weak and much-loved people.

So there are moments of deep joy
When my heart remembers and rejoices
And I spin, overwhelmed with Your love
Till I fall in content worship before You
Knowing the grace in Your eyes.

And there are days
When I am spun
Dizzy and frightened
By the world in which I live
Until I cannot focus on anything in the blur.

You are my anchor
The One who binds my soul
To a Rock that is higher than I
You save me from the storms
And You save me from myself.

So as I wait
With eyes wide and eager
A child sitting quiet in expectation
I’m praying a heart-full to You
Come again, come quickly, Lord.

 

Reflection

I look at my reflection in the water
Reach down and
Touch.
Ripples that spread outward
So I cannot clearly see
This image
Which wasn’t really me
Anyway.

I wonder, trying to remember
Knowing that I never
Knew.
Waters come through
And waters go out
To wash up on some distant shore
Where I’ve never been.

The drops collect
A handful
A bucketful
A lake full
An ocean
I’m here waiting
Asking You quietly:
If I grow thirsty,
Do You still promise to be
The well that never runs dry?
If I get lost in tears,
Will You bring me to a place
Where there is no need to cry?

The reflection changes
Because I do too
I look at it
I look to You
Unsure of this walking-on-water
Reaching out for Your hand
To find that You already have me.

If the rain comes and if it washes
All of my castles away
Will the sun come back again?
Can we rebuild another day?
I look back over my shoulder
Stretching out my hand
But tides come and go
Just like the life behind me.

Your hand is stronger and
Bigger than mine
And You know the way home as well
So I follow Your footsteps
And the sound of Your voice
To the place where light meets the evening.

In here is a mirror
I look in it, curious
Find my own eyes staring back
Smile.
I remember these eyes
How they locked hard with fear
How they tried to be so strong
And how all the walls came down
Anyway.

Your hand comes gentle
Breaking my bones
Wielding a knife that cuts
Deep through all of me.
And somewhere
Deep in the maze that I wander
Your voice splits the walls
Making a way out.

Talitha, kumi!
And Your eyes shine bright
Enough for me to see my reflection
Smile
Tears, overwhelmed
I am beginning
Slowly
To look like Your sister.

My heart goes quiet
Cold and undone
Stretching small fingers to You
Life-giver
Life-breather
You held on to me
So I reach out for You.

 

Isaiah 43:1

Days spin by in a dizzying drift
Calender pages floating to the floor
Slipping from my over-full hands

And I am foolish
But He is wise
And I am young
But He is the Ancient of Days
And somewhere in the midst
Of me clinging to what falls apart
He takes my hands
And names me as His.

Nights stretch out in shuddering seconds
Moons that wax and wane above
Dreams that wander empty paths

And I am foolish
But You are wise
And I am young
But You are from of old
And somewhere in the midst
Of all my shadow chasing
You take my hands
And call me by Your name.

 

Wood to Carver

Beneath Your fingers
The wood glows
Grains grown patterns and light catching in it
For You are the Master Craftsman
And in You
We live
And move
And have our being.

So what of the trees
That once grew green
And provided sanctuary
For those who hid in their leaves?
What when the storm came
And lightening struck
And all was left in shattered
Blackened
Charred
Ruin?

We still seek Your hands
With the thunder and wind
To come searching through
And take out Your tools
With Your drawn-out plans
To rebuild us again.

So what of the wood
When those You entrusted
With delicate tools
Grow careless and harsh?
What when they pound
And scar through the grains
And only
Gashes
Are left?

We come back to You
The One who first knew
And run to Your arms
And cry out for healing
That Your word would sink in
And close up the broken.
That the jagged ends
Would not be left splintering sharp.

So what of the dust
That has spilled from the gouges
Covering the surface
On which we live?
What when our hearts
Crumble in pieces
Can we say
Father
Forgive?

We stare in Your eyes
And find the reflection
Mixed with Your dreams
Of who You have made us
And it is more
And it is good.

 

With Nothing

Once I was ashamed of coming to You
With nothing
Now I know I’d have it no other way

I want to stand before You
With empty hands
With nothing in my pockets
With nothing to my name
I want to come naked and broken
Blind and dead 
To tremble with awe
As You lay Your hands on my head
And say Well done

Still I find myself ashamed of being here
So empty
But slowly I am learning

I want to stand before You
With empty hands
With nothing in my pockets
With nothing to my name
I want to come naked and broken
Blind and dead 
To tremble with awe
As You lay Your hands on my head
And say Well done

[this one is from a while ago, and I had posted part of it before]

 

Three Hours and a Cry

See my heart, broken tonight
Tear streaked face beneath the streetlight
Yeshi, I don’t understand
So I’m running to the shelter of Your arms
Hold me against the storms
And a world of wrong that I cannot heal

Hear my fears, crying out
A fragile thread whisper in an ocean of noise
Jesus, You heard my voice
So I nestle close to You
Held by Your strong hands
And carried safely home

And the world around me crumbles
The ground beneath me shakes
The darkness presses in hard
But I am secure in You
Break and heal, breathe and move

 

Mirrors and Revelation

I look back through the cracked mirrors
Reflections of a broken life
And cry out with the psalmist
Have You forgotten me forever?
Why will You not look at me?
Do You see how my enemies gloat?

Oh my God, answer me
Otherwise I will die
My enemies will triumph
And rejoice as I falter
Unsure and shaken

But!
I trust in Your unshakable love
And my heart dances in You
You saved me!
I will sing to You
For You gave me more than I could dream.

Stronger than those memories
Of all that has gone wrong
Is the reality
Stretching before me past my horizons
A landscape of grace, saturated with color
Surely the lines have fallen to me
In pleasant places. I have a good heritage.
Sometimes the mirrors are so broken
It is better not to look back
And wait instead for Him to reveal
With eager, patient trust.