The Joy I Want… The Eternal Weight of Glory

Stars spin above

In dizzying glory

Pulsing with colours

That I cannot see

Singing Your praise

God

God of the universe

Who am I?

Dust and ashes

In a world I don’t understand

Finite as I am

I can’t comprehend

Tremble with joy

Being in Your presence

Hold me forever

I will never leave

Faithful and true

Glorious and great

Overwhelmed by majesty

My heart cries out for more

You want the worship

I’m crying out to give

This beautiful ache

Calls me on

Higher up and further in

In dependence on Your grace

Which carries me

Fade

This body falls away

Restoration’s coming

You’re pulling me

Into Your extremity of glory

Glory shines brighter

This will not end

No need to cover my face

For I can look on Yours

Unveiled and covered

With Your righteousness

Grant me this awe

Grant me this grace

I want to be lost in You, my God

Forever and a day

Amazed at Your infiniteness

Knowing Your love

[I wrote this one for Josh Addisson, mostly in Hebrew and English class yesterday.)

Would I hesitate and watch [or let] you die

Or let go and say goodbye?

I don’t know… I don’t know….

Easy enough to give up my life, the act of an instant,

But can I deny what I want every day for the rest of my life

I need to find out

I need to learn

Cut me apart, here is my heart

Break me gently, Lord

Your fingers will chisel me (through all the agony)

Into Your image

Your hard gifts polish me

Into a mirror

As Your image moves within me

Breathe…

[May 29, 2008 -- influences such as David Ketter, the Luther movie, Joni Frick, Cassie Bernall, and Griffin Klemick.]

I’ve watched you run

I’ve watched the winds sweep over you

And fires burn in your eyes

I’ve watched you cry

Until your heart broke

And there was nothing left

Until all the fires burned out…

I’ve seen you give

Until nothing was left

Except a handful of ashes

Scattered on the cold waves

And the sun will rise

To light new fires

To make you grow and heal you

To lead you home again…

And I

I will wait for you…

These nights you’re lonely

Feeling so alone and [but?] still hiding

And I don’t know what to say

Except I’m here

And I will stay

I will wait for you…

[This song is based on basically the ONLY quote from The Brothers Karamazov which I liked.  But it's an amazing quote.  

You will burn and you will burn out; you will be healed and come back again.  And I will wait for you.

I wrote it in May with several people in mind, but mostly a friend who was off at college and it hurt far more than I wanted to deal with to think about how much I missed him.  At the same time, I was (and still am) sure that God is with him, and that things will be fine./

Your spirit flies away

The music we hear fades

Into barren silence

But the sweetness of your smile

And the joy behind your pain

Will be with us for a long time…

So hard to realize that you are… gone

Even if it’s only for this season

So hard still to say goodbye

Just for this present time

Beyond the darkness

Beyond the fading

I believe that you live in God’s hand

With a radiant glory that we cannot see

Cannot know yet

And you…

laugh again

Free from the pain

We could never have held you here

Away from your home

Away from your dance

Your Creator called, held out His hand

And we… will miss you sorely

But we… will see you again

Laughing with joy…

[Jessica Frailey.. she died right before camp this year.  We had known it was coming for a long time as cancer took her life, but it seemed so desperately wrong for anyone so young, who had just been married a few months earlier, to be gone.  I was blessed to know her from camp, to have only seen her relatively healthy and always cheerful.  She was a wonderful camp nurse -- compassionate and gentle, with a sense of humor.  But I am confident that she now has something far better than our joyful Virginia Reels, with music far greater than her beautiful violin playing.]

Here’s the new normal

Death is not the end

Blessed are the dead in Christ

Who wait to rise again

Tears are the anomaly

This is not how it should be

And we wait eagerly 

For the restoration

No wonder we feel out of place

The city lies in shambles

The walls are broken down

Who will stand in the gap?

Henaynee

Here I am

Waiting for Your hand to guide me

I cannot stand alone

But you have given me the hope I need

When you promised to hear me

Oh my fortress of defense…

(I like the first two stanzas and am not sure about the rest.  Believe it or not, though, this was inspired in English Comp class.  Go figure.)

I know you’re hurting

I know you’re not fine

But your smile gives your eyes the lie

You’re walking a fine line

Pretending to be complete

And trying not to fall under the crushing truth

What do I say?

You draw back and hide

Holding out your smile as a shield

I don’t want your lies

Give me the broken

These two-dimensional images have no depth

And in this world

We bleed and hurt

I know your scars run deep and raw

All of those nights

Spent alone in the darkness of your mind

Give it up, let go

These are things you were never meant to shoulder…

Blood that was spilled, although not your own

For all of these tears, love will atone… [Jars of Clay]

There’s a fortress of words

Standing on the verge of collapse

Because your weary soul is crying out tonight for more

What can I give you?

It feels like so little

But this time is my life being given for a friend

We come broken, and we come undone…

We come up short in all that we do

But through it all, we come to You… [Derek Webb]

Oh my brother

Hold me tonight

Safe in your arms

I fall

As the tears shake me

Hard against your breathing

I want to fly to you

How did I

Never know

How much I missed you

Need you?

Lucy to your Peter

I run

[Not complete, but very true... this belongs to Dan.]

In the distance I see myself walk away

(Never thought it would end this way)

The mist melts in the light of Your face

And I can run on, unafraid

Who am I on these nights

Far away from my home?

~~~

Am I my brother’s keeper

On this dark and tired night

I watch my plans wash away

And trust instead

Follow your lead

Offer frozen prayers

Oh God, my God 

[this was based on a very real event and very late night]

~~~

It’s a desert, not a garden

But the tempter is the same

Be like God, prove you’re God

Can one bite hurt so much?

Our hearts tremble, second Adam

Our salvation hinges on Your feet

Not slipping from off this Rock… (there is obviously more to come but I’m not sure what)

~~~

She thought He was crazy

What is this You offer me?

This stagnant well is all I’ve known

And You offer living water

Who is this madman?

He breaks all the customs

He… knows too much

~~~

Creation sings a song

Sunlight streaks across the sky

[Nov 16, 2008]

Do you ever look up?

How did you come to believe

The lie that says that you

Are degraded and worthless

And deserve this shame?

What do you see in the mirror?

The lust and the anger and the fear?

You are cheapening and selling yourself

Assuming that you’re damaged goods

Dragged through the mud and straw

I will pull your hands away

Uncover your face

Turn on the light as you stand naked

And wash you clean

I would give my life for you

If you continue to push away forgiveness

You declare valueless the blood

Spilled for your life

Setting at nothing the work of Christ

In its power and effect

I will trace a smile on your lips

The ghost and the whisper, but it’s a start

Learn to laugh and hope at the surprises of God

Exceedingly precious in your whole

Mind and body and soul

There is still joy held out to you

A meaningful life with purposeful work…