The Experiment
It’s the same temptation that faced Job
Not to deny the God you know exists
But rather to see Him far away
Solemnly saying, “The experiment must continue.”
Who could ever trust such a Father?
Having seen the darkness of the world
Why would He ever allow such pain?
Except to say, “The experiment must continue.”
See the Father look at you with love
As your heart breaks with pain
And you come to know it’s but an echo of His own
He has never said, “The experiment must continue.”
Rather, He has spoken
And so let it be done
That redemption must continue
Even at the cost of His own Son
We were no complicit witnesses
Unwilling to get involved
We were the servants
Who killed our Master’s Son
But some days the pain strikes at us too
Tearing at everything we thought we knew
And we flee from the lies
And cling to His love.
Against our barely whispered suspicions
We point to the One
Who took the full shock of our sin
And now calls us His own.
[This got started after we talked about Kitty Genovese in psych class... and Milgram's Obedience Experiment. Both are absolutely horrifying, chilling glimpses of human depravity -- even if the Kitty Genovese murder was blown totally out of proportion. The mere fact that anyone would even be willing to stand by and watch an innocent person be harmed is disgusting, which highlights God's grace to us.
And there is a constant temptation in life for us to feel that God is, like the voice of authority in Milgram's experiment, sitting in heaven, sorry to see such pain taking place, but saying, "The experiment must continue" -- and totally missing the divine conspiracy of Him coming into all the pain Himself.]
Strengthen My Hands
I remember the feeling
That if I turned, you were close enough
That I could see you
That if you wanted to reach out
You could touch me
Safety in shelter
And I turn to it again
Return, O my soul, to your rest;
for the Lord has dealt bountifully with you.
I remember how you look
At least in ways, and it’s enough
On these days
To get me through
And I turn to you again
You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
“Your face, Lord, do I seek.”
I remember how you speak
Ways the words come, rise and fall
From heart to mouth
They rise within me
And I hear your voice again
Then I said, “Behold, I have come;
in the scroll of the book it is written of me:
I delight to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart.”
I remember how your hands move
Strong and gentle, heal and break
They held me close
Through the darkness
And I flee to you again
He trains my hands for war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You have given me the shield of your salvation,
and your right hand supported me,
and your gentleness made me great.
But now, O God, strengthen my hands.
Psalm 18
1 I love you, O Lord, my strength.
2 The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,
my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
3 I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised,
and I am saved from my enemies.
4 The cords of death encompassed me;
the torrents of destruction assailed me;
5 the cords of Sheol entangled me;
the snares of death confronted me.
6 In my distress I called upon the Lord;
to my God I cried for help.
From his temple he heard my voice,
and my cry to him reached his ears.
7 Then the earth reeled and rocked;
the foundations also of the mountains trembled
and quaked, because he was angry.
8 Smoke went up from his nostrils,
and devouring fire from his mouth;
glowing coals flamed forth from him.
9 He bowed the heavens and came down;
thick darkness was under his feet.
10 He rode on a cherub and flew;
he came swiftly on the wings of the wind.
11 He made darkness his covering, his canopy around him,
thick clouds dark with water.
12 Out of the brightness before him
hailstones and coals of fire broke through his clouds.
13 The Lord also thundered in the heavens,
and the Most High uttered his voice,
hailstones and coals of fire.
14 And he sent out his arrows and scattered them;
he flashed forth lightnings and routed them.
15 Then the channels of the sea were seen,
and the foundations of the world were laid bare
at your rebuke, O Lord,
at the blast of the breath of your nostrils.
16 He sent from on high, he took me;
he drew me out of many waters.
17 He rescued me from my strong enemy
and from those who hated me,
for they were too mighty for me.
18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity,
but the Lord was my support.
19 He brought me out into a broad place;
he rescued me, because he delighted in me.
20 The Lord dealt with me according to my righteousness;
according to the cleanness of my hands he rewarded me.
21 For I have kept the ways of the Lord,
and have not wickedly departed from my God.
22 For all his rules were before me,
and his statutes I did not put away from me.
23 I was blameless before him,
and I kept myself from my guilt.
24 So the Lord has rewarded me according to my righteousness,
according to the cleanness of my hands in his sight.
25 With the merciful you show yourself merciful;
with the blameless man you show yourself blameless;
26 with the purified you show yourself pure;
and with the crooked you make yourself seem tortuous.
27 For you save a humble people,
but the haughty eyes you bring down.
28 For it is you who light my lamp;
the Lord my God lightens my darkness.
29 For by you I can run against a troop,
and by my God I can leap over a wall.
30 This God—his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord proves true;
he is a shield for all those who take refuge in him.
31 For who is God, but the Lord?
And who is a rock, except our God?—
32 the God who equipped me with strength
and made my way blameless.
33 He made my feet like the feet of a deer
and set me secure on the heights.
34 He trains my hands for war,
so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
35 You have given me the shield of your salvation,
and your right hand supported me,
and your gentleness made me great.
36 You gave a wide place for my steps under me,
and my feet did not slip.
37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them,
and did not turn back till they were consumed.
38 I thrust them through, so that they were not able to rise;
they fell under my feet.
39 For you equipped me with strength for the battle;
you made those who rise against me sink under me.
40 You made my enemies turn their backs to me,
and those who hated me I destroyed.
41 They cried for help, but there was none to save;
they cried to the Lord, but he did not answer them.
42 I beat them fine as dust before the wind;
I cast them out like the mire of the streets.
43 You delivered me from strife with the people;
you made me the head of the nations;
people whom I had not known served me.
44 As soon as they heard of me they obeyed me;
foreigners came cringing to me.
45 Foreigners lost heart
and came trembling out of their fortresses.
46 The Lord lives, and blessed be my rock,
and exalted be the God of my salvation—
47 the God who gave me vengeance
and subdued peoples under me,
48 who delivered me from my enemies;
yes, you exalted me above those who rose against me;
you rescued me from the man of violence.
49 For this I will praise you, O Lord, among the nations,
and sing to your name.
50 Great salvation he brings to his king,
and shows steadfast love to his anointed,
to David and his offspring forever.
Love Song
Gentle and strong
Tender and firm
Humble and still
So confident
This is the man
I’d follow forever
Just to see
Where he will lead
I want to make you smile
I want to make you laugh
I want to make your eyes dance
Every time you look at me
I want you to be my joy
Every morning as I wake
Oh, I am my beloved’s
And my beloved’s mine
After the long days
After the hard nights
After you know how broken
I am
You’re still the man
I’ll follow forever
Just to see
Where you will lead
To know I make you smile
To know I make you laugh
To know I make your eyes dance
Every time you look at me
To know that you’re my joy
Every morning as I wake
To know that I am yours
Just as you are mine
You’ve seen the tears
You’ve seen the blood
You’ve sent the sunshine
And laughter
You are the man
I’ll follow forever
Just to be with you
Wherever you lead…
Christian Understanding of Life
Waiting
Watching Hoping
Quietly hiding
Expectant
Patient
Trusting what I know
Of who you are
That your promise
Still holds true
Whatever I need
You will be here
Preparing me
For the battles ahead
I lay in the dark
Knowing
Believing
Confident
That you will come
Butterfly in Reverse
Watching your feet fall gracefully
Remember your smile as you danced
Then catch my breath and go on
Hey there, girl, what happened to you?
The sparkle on your wings is gone
Winds have caught you and torn you apart
Till you can no longer fly
Lying trampled on the ground
But open your eyes and cry
There is shelter from the storm above
Safety given to you
New identity and healing
And I will step back
Turn my face upward to trace your flight
Watching you pass out of sight
Remember the night of our tears
Then catch my breath
And go on.
The Song of Mary
She waited for the One to come
Who would save them all from all
The scourge of the Romans
The cancer of sin
Her dreams tied down to duties
No longer child, not yet woman
Standing at the waiting place
She drew water from the well
Smiling to think of it
The servant coming to Rebekah
Not knowing what the day would bring
Ready, waiting, willing
Heartbreak as well as joy
Brushed by God’s redeeming touch
She would have her turn soon enough
She gasped and waited, afraid
Greetings! he said, calling her favored
Yet what sort of beginning was this?
This was no old and weary servant
This brilliant, breathtaking man
Who now commanded her not to fear
She could have laughed, like Sarah
Listening to such scandal
No son at all could grow in her
Promised but not yet known
Instead, she dared to ask of him
How such a thing could be
And waited with humility
She listened as he spoke kindly
No man this, yet no god to revere
The plan made clear
Which generations longed to see
Messiah would be God’s own son
God here, in the midst of this world!
Drinking water from this well!
She had heard before of Him moving
Spirit of God in creation
And now He would create again
This time, though, inside herself
Holy God of the universe
Her own son, too
Her place in God’s plan
She spoke with timeless beauty
Submitting to this decree
Seeing those who had gone before
And what lay ahead for herself
Glory and scorn laid upon her
The risk of losing all held dear
And the undeniable call of God.
She ran to her cousin Elizabeth
Head spinning with mystery
Old women and virgins conceive
The long-awaited Messiah was coming
Slowly, quietly, growing inside her
Wonder held tight
Waiting to see the next step.
She waited throughout months of scorn
Watched the light in Joseph’s eyes die
And wept for his pain
So this was what the prophets meant
For even God punished a whoring bride
Still, she trusted
Having accepted everything in a moment.
She walked to the well alone
Teased by unkind mockery
She says she’s still a virgin
She says the baby’s from God
So this was how Noah felt
When no one would believe
The truth of the salvation he held.
She went with Joseph on his journey
Carrying the hope of the world inside
The light of the world
Born in a cave
Worshipped by shepherds
Welcomed by angels
All these things she kept in her heart.
She watched, wide-eyed, when magi came
These kings to honor her son
Gold and myrrh and frankincense
Trembling in the presence of such majesty
Shivering in the already shadow of death
Knowing the spear that would pierce her soul
Clinging to the hope of salvation.
She wept as they fled to Egypt
Hearing the ocean of cries behind her
Infants who would die for her son
Before anyone knew He’d die to save them
Laughed with joy as they returned
The exodus of God’s true son
And then waited as the years went on.
She asked what he was doing
After He remained behind in Jerusalem
And He knew, though they did not
Yet returned with them and was submissive
They would go off to Sepphoris
As the tekton taught his adopted son
The creator of the world, how to create.
She came to Him at the wedding in Cana
Pointing out to him the problem
And went on about her business
Quietly confident of His ability
Telling the servants to obey
He made better wine
And she smiled, not knowing what was to come.
She came to see Him with His brothers
Standing outside among the crowd
And wondered who knew He was her son
This God-man, rejected rabbi
Still she loved Him
Remembering all she had treasured up
Knowing that He made family of many.
She saw Him die.
The son of her youth
The savior of her soul
And from the cross, He looked down at her
Broken with love as He suffered all
The Son of Man was her son
And would die for her salvation.
She had waited long
No longer the carefree girl
Still could not fully understand
But held within her a lifetime of trust
Submission to her Creator’s plan
Blessed by generations
Rejoicing in her Lord.
[12.20.09 This one goes along with last year's Christmas poem The Shepherd's Story. I obviously don't really know what was going on in Mary's head, but I tend to assume that she could have thought some pretty similar things to me. 
I built off of some tradition, such as that she was at the well when the annunciation happened. Whatever you make of the poem, I hope that it leads you to greater awe and fresh understanding of the greatness of what happened.]
The Promise of a Long Night
I saw all the warning signs
I knew that you would not be fine
Yet I stood as one who’s bound
Unable to speak to you a sound
There were no words that you could hear
No way to make my message clear
I tried my best to ready you
But nothing that I did would do
From afar I watched you fall
Destruction I had hoped to stall
All around you will unwind
And you flee from what you want to find
I feel the pressure crushing you
Trying to learn what I knew
Before you learn, you need to know
There is no time for you to grow
Don’t hide now, don’t run away
You’re safe here, it’s okay
I will give you all I can
Try to teach you how to stand
Promises come in the night
Peace in your long battle-fight
Strength to match your greatest need
A King who will forever lead
Whatever you need, I am here
There is no cause for you to fear
Say goodbye, let go this fight
Grace still dawns with morning light.
[12.20.09 This is, in many ways, a follow up to Friendship's Lament. It was written a little over a year later, and, in the scheme of things, really grew out of the same things. It's interesting to me to see that I used a good bit of the same imagery... I guess things don't change all that much in a year.]
A hundred thousand things I would say
But know no words for
Thank you and I’m sorry come first to mind
But I cannot say I would not do it again.
My heart screams
God, what have I done?
What have I done?
It seemed all that I could do.
You can heal this, I know
I read the Old Testament prophets
Of how all was in ruin
And flee with tears to you
Oh God, what have I done?
Tonight I come to you
Speaking words of heartbreak
Caught in a world too dark
Catch my tears that fall
IFMs
There was a light
Of indeterminate future manifestations
I didn’t have a word for it then
Or when you asked me a year later.
And that still may not satisfy you
–not logic, not illogic–
Confidence rather than certainty.
The buried seeds of those first conversations
Had later flourishing
That would not have come about if they had not been kept.
You are right,
I did not know
I cannot say that I could have predicted
Only that I am still surprised
–grateful, humbled–
Filled with wonder at the changes.
I am still younger and often unsure of the terrain
But I know myself better
And when the time comes to move on, I will be ready enough.
Matters
Ten months before I’d come to stay
I came and walked down your hallway
Utterly unaware
Of what the future would hold
Unaware even of your existence
I didn’t know then that it mattered.
My mind was full of other things
The glowing letters made me smile
I shake my head now
And smile at who I was
At the way that I had no idea
What would really come to matter.
