The Joy I Want… The Eternal Weight of Glory

Girl from the sea
You can never return
The waves they may call you
But it’s no longer your home
And though this is not
Your native land
You’ll walk on these paths
Stretch out your hand

You already know
That you’re called to stay
Until such time as you’re called away
But don’t give up hope
The sun it will rise
And you’ll drink in the day
The water still runs
And pulls at your feet

[It's not done... it's kinda my Dag character...]

Burning up the land behind you
With the flashing blaze of glory
Somehow though you are left
The quiet figure in the shadows
No image to cling to

But I have got a glimpse
Of the coming glory
Can smile in this plan
The royalty in rags
With no crown to cling to

You gave up the crown
Gave up your home
And came down here
For me
No love to cling to

[It was indeed a Divine Conspiracy, Griffin. Sorry this isn't done yet, but such is life.]

How do you see yourself?
Under the pall of death?
You have meant life to me this long year
I don’t have words to thank you
But I think you’d know what I’d like to say

If there is ever
anything
If there is
ever
anything
You know that I would come.

And you know the reasons why when I can’t.

If death has touched you
And I know it has
It’s left you vibrantly, stubbornly alive
That’s really something else though
The life buried deep inside you

If there is ever anything
You know I’ll be there.

[5.9.09]

Keep the beauty quiet
Keep the love so silent
The less you show the less they’ll know
’cause they can’t take what they can’t see

Your walls are so thick
Your eyes are so guarded
The less you show the less they’ll know
’cause they can’t take what they can’t see

Everything is broken
Every touch hurts
The less you show the less they’ll know
And they can’t take what they can’t see

Here you go, it’s a new day
There is a difference in this pain
You can learn to let it go
Let it go and be set free

Hush, love
Precious one
Be close, breathe
And know you’re safe

[6.14.09]

It’s a crowded bunch of colorful shirts
I’ve watched these kids grow up
Their names flit across my heart –
Richard. Aubrey. Anna. Daniel.
Traveled a thousand miles
Wandered in the garden
Gotten lost in museums
Still do I pray and wish their well-being
Yet I am a pilgrim here
Watching. Remembering
I too played here. Grew up here.
A few hours a week
Which helped hold me to sanity
May it be the same for them.
Yes, this is the real world
But it is a small piece

I hope that their hearts survive
These hard highschool years
Long enough to get beyond
But my own soul cries out
Aching in knowing the pain that awaits
Oh, my precious children
You will be given
A thousand times more than you can bear
And your heart will break
Beneath the sickness and the pain.
You will be beyond
All of this ducking and dodging
Light and laughter
But I pray it remains warmth in your heart
Pulling you back to Him.

He was lost to the land and it mourned for the gap
Washed from their lives in a second of time
Around their heartache, hope grew up
But ever and always the pain of the loss
Of the son of the light who was gone from their lives

Seasons slipped past before he returned
Fraught with difficulty is the path that leads home
What he had learned could not be undone
For always and ever their world would be changed
By the foe of the light who had come to their lives

Gone are the days of the carefree flight
For never again will you not know care
It may lift from your shoulders for rare moments of peace
But the shadow will be there for all of your life
Someday I know that we’ll soar again
But between then and now lies much darkness
Valleys and mountains by foot to be climbed

Watch the shadows
Watch the wind
Look for chinks in the masks
And be prepared to give your life to heal this…

[This poem chronicles the original beginning of the Lonya trilogy, although the story doesn't really begin there at all. But, J'Dak's story isn't a bad place to start after all.]

Green are the skies of Lonya
Laced with the living leaves
Branches locked in a graceful web
Slender and strong
Grown gently old
Smoothed by the hands of the children who hide
Searching for peace in the shade it provides
Lonya, my heart still aches for your green

Clear is the sky above Gazigway
Lit by the light of the beautiful stars
Rays spun into a shimmering net
Fiery diamonds
They sing as they dance
Sought by the eyes of the children who sing
Caught by the promise of peace gently bright
Gazigway, my heart keeps the tune of your light

Boundless the sky above Murnia
Loosed from constraints of all seeming time
Clouds scud across this steady ocean
Clearly lit blue
Turning thundercloud dark
Broken by the feet of the children who run
Cut off from peace by the blood all around
Murnia, my heart’s tears soak into your ground

Hard is the sky over Irwas
Left above the burnt-out dunes
Edges all sharply cutting
Burnished and bronzed
Relentlessly strong
Shaped by the will of the children who strive
Fighting for peace in an unfriendly land
Irwas, my heart laments your lost sands

Majestic the sky above Aynoli
Lightly spread to cover the kingdom
Colors woven in shimmering tapestry
Brilliant and bright
Soaring effortlessly above
Mourned by the tears of the children who know
Lamenting the peace that’s been choked by a lie
Aynoli, my heart will return when you learn how to cry

Lost is the sky above Riscon-Morg
Locked over a prisoning world
Invisible bars of a relentless trap
Stronger than steel
Sprung silently up
Challenged by the hearts of the children who hope
Bringing the peace for which the land groans
Riscon-Morg, my heart claims you as its own

Only a few words in

My heart stops, frozen

I feel where this is going

And every word confirms it

Not this story

Not today

The sunshine all turns to rain

The sky above is grey

It was years ago

But it may as well be right now

Your eyes blinded by the darkness

You’d never seen till now

Not so young

Not today

Because once you’ve learned to run

It’s hard to ever stay

You became strong

It was that or break

Forced to grow up too fast

To protect all you could

Not too far

Not today

Because if you hide so well

What if you fade away?

The truth is that I cannot remember

As I cannot remember most of my life

Other paths were indeed open

But not marked for me

I can give you some reasons

But in the end, where else would I have gone?

Shadows wove in with the light

The dancing pattern called me in

I was younger and knew less

Yet it was still me

I do not believe it was accidental

You were on the way I explored

I was not consciously looking

But I enjoyed being with you

It was enough to pull me back

Caught in His guiding hand

Unknowing of what I was seeking

Drawn by what I could not explain

You were close to my place

Watching and waiting

Coming to know

With careful commitment

Invisible dancer

Fading away as attention shifts

You looked into my eyes

For more than I could bear

I knew nowhere else where I could have gone

Compelled to find you

Needing to know you’d be there

Because we are called to communion

I do not understand

No matter how many times I remember

You had so many roads

So many paths you could have gone down

But you stubbornly followed this one

Though you could not see the end

You chose the way deep in shadows

Filled with unnamed challenges

Instead of the open rooms

Well-lit and welcoming

Why did you not enter them instead?

Why did you seek out darkness?

You consciously sought me out

For no reason I can see

You did not know me to know who I was

Why would I have pushed you away?

All who come, come for a reason

Strength enough is always given

I do not fit into a category

So why were you willing to stay?

The disappearing

The silence

The inscrutability

You continued to look for answers

You met my eyes and clung

For as long as you possibly could

Then you kept returning for more

Looking for yourself, looking for me

Needing to know that such will be done

In case one should wander too far