The Joy I Want… The Eternal Weight of Glory

Green are the skies of Lonya
Laced with the living leaves
Branches locked in a graceful web
Slender and strong
Grown gently old
Smoothed by the hands of the children who hide
Searching for peace in the shade it provides
Lonya, my heart still aches for your green

Clear is the sky above Gazigway
Lit by the light of the beautiful stars
Rays spun into a shimmering net
Fiery diamonds
They sing as they dance
Sought by the eyes of the children who sing
Caught by the promise of peace gently bright
Gazigway, my heart keeps the tune of your light

Boundless the sky above Murnia
Loosed from constraints of all seeming time
Clouds scud across this steady ocean
Clearly lit blue
Turning thundercloud dark
Broken by the feet of the children who run
Cut off from peace by the blood all around
Murnia, my heart’s tears soak into your ground

Hard is the sky over Irwas
Left above the burnt-out dunes
Edges all sharply cutting
Burnished and bronzed
Relentlessly strong
Shaped by the will of the children who strive
Fighting for peace in an unfriendly land
Irwas, my heart laments your lost sands

Majestic the sky above Aynoli
Lightly spread to cover the kingdom
Colors woven in shimmering tapestry
Brilliant and bright
Soaring effortlessly above
Mourned by the tears of the children who know
Lamenting the peace that’s been choked by a lie
Aynoli, my heart will return when you learn how to cry

Lost is the sky above Riscon-Morg
Locked over a prisoning world
Invisible bars of a relentless trap
Stronger than steel
Sprung silently up
Challenged by the hearts of the children who hope
Bringing the peace for which the land groans
Riscon-Morg, my heart claims you as its own

Only a few words in

My heart stops, frozen

I feel where this is going

And every word confirms it

Not this story

Not today

The sunshine all turns to rain

The sky above is grey

It was years ago

But it may as well be right now

Your eyes blinded by the darkness

You’d never seen till now

Not so young

Not today

Because once you’ve learned to run

It’s hard to ever stay

You became strong

It was that or break

Forced to grow up too fast

To protect all you could

Not too far

Not today

Because if you hide so well

What if you fade away?

The truth is that I cannot remember

As I cannot remember most of my life

Other paths were indeed open

But not marked for me

I can give you some reasons

But in the end, where else would I have gone?

Shadows wove in with the light

The dancing pattern called me in

I was younger and knew less

Yet it was still me

I do not believe it was accidental

You were on the way I explored

I was not consciously looking

But I enjoyed being with you

It was enough to pull me back

Caught in His guiding hand

Unknowing of what I was seeking

Drawn by what I could not explain

You were close to my place

Watching and waiting

Coming to know

With careful commitment

Invisible dancer

Fading away as attention shifts

You looked into my eyes

For more than I could bear

I knew nowhere else where I could have gone

Compelled to find you

Needing to know you’d be there

Because we are called to communion

I do not understand

No matter how many times I remember

You had so many roads

So many paths you could have gone down

But you stubbornly followed this one

Though you could not see the end

You chose the way deep in shadows

Filled with unnamed challenges

Instead of the open rooms

Well-lit and welcoming

Why did you not enter them instead?

Why did you seek out darkness?

You consciously sought me out

For no reason I can see

You did not know me to know who I was

Why would I have pushed you away?

All who come, come for a reason

Strength enough is always given

I do not fit into a category

So why were you willing to stay?

The disappearing

The silence

The inscrutability

You continued to look for answers

You met my eyes and clung

For as long as you possibly could

Then you kept returning for more

Looking for yourself, looking for me

Needing to know that such will be done

In case one should wander too far

Mourn for the lands

Sunk beneath the sea

Lost below the roiling waves

Have you heard the gulls sing?

The sad aching cry

For the beauty which few can remember

Mourn for the land

Scorched beneath the sun

Desolate as the burning sand

Have you watched the sun rise?

The stark killing light

Over the beauty which few can live through

Mourn for the stars

Flung so far away

Spinning above the shattering earth

Have you danced to the song of their light?

The soft glowing music

Of the beauty which few can embrace

Mourn for hte fire

Choked by the fog

Sputtering in the ghostly half-light

Have you breathed with the shooting sparks?

The flames’ dancing passion

For the beauty which few can plunge into

Mourn for the wind

Lost among the clouds

Wandering amidst the mountains’ spires

Have you stood in its rushing maelstrom?

The fast frightening thrill

Of the beauty which few can stare into

[This poem goes along with Lament for the Stars.  Maybe they ought to be combined, but I don't think so.  They just go together.  The influences aren't hard to name -- Lewis, Tolkien, Bryana and Raora, Chesterton... also Ereb Nan, and most particularly for "the girl who sits quietly".  Her poetry cries out to me to write, write, write, in hopes of recapturing some of what she captures.  Her prose also calls for poetry, as her laughter rises in the most unexpected times, adding delight to many a long day at school.]

We’re not afraid

Although sometimes we get tired

Running into the darkness

Wearing the armor of light

But some days it gets heavy

And we start to wonder…

The eternal weight of glory

You stumble underneath it

Falling and you fear

That we are losing you

There are arms that can carry you

For the glory is His own

Do not lose heart

Fighting in the dark

Don’t lose sight of the glory

Highest of standards

Triumphing by the cross

And sometimes we don’t see it

Following the Victor

But some days we fall short

And we start to doubt…

The eternal weight of glory

You stumble underneath it

Falling and you fear

That we are losing you

There are arms that can carry you

For the glory is His own

Do not lose heart

Fighting in the dark

Don’t lose sight of the glory

Dying on the outside

And sometimes our focus is all wrong

Looking at the transient

Missing the eternal

But some days He afflicts us

And we are prepared for…

The eternal weight of glory

You stumble underneath it

Falling and you fear

That we are losing you

There are arms that can carry you

For the glory is His own

Do not lose heart

Fighting in the dark

Don’t lose sight of the glory

[This is an older one, I think written about a year ago?  Scripture references scribbled in the margin are:  II Cor 4:17, Eph 6:10-18, Rom 13:12, and II Cor 3:12-18.  Thanks to Doug Snyder and Jeremiah Montgomery and all the quizzing people -- especially Jake (I think that is his name?) who missed a question about the armor of light in Romans, leading to me challenging, leading to me remembering that verse.  Also thanks to Griffin, who discussed the whole eternal-weight-of-glory with me, even if we were not talking about the same thing at all.]

This glory shines around me

The sword in its sheath

Autumn laughter, kicking leaves

Interlaced with darker dreams

Preserved for another day

This life has never been less my own

Goodnight, you say, and goodbye

But can’t bring yourself to walk away

I am crying out for you

Warmth against the cold

But you need to go home

[October 08, I think]

Crash and burn or gentle death

Tonight it ends with words and tears

But without anger

Slip away

You know we’ve drifted

Is this the sundering?

You still know my mind

Better than I do myself

Goodbye, goodnight

All these words in my eyes

Goodnight, goodbye

Tomorrow will dry the tears

[October 08]

I mourn for the stars thrown so far away

And the song of the sinking sea

For the lands of the West fading away

And for the pain that is yet to come

Underneath the blood-red sun

Come the cries of battle

Swords swing on the plains

Gold and green before the stain

In the middle of the river is a rock

And a girl sits quietly on it

Sometimes a moment is a lifetime

And everything sings in her golden-brown eyes

Deep beneath the living earth

Hide the broken weary armies

Sleeping in the caverns

Stumbling through the darkness

I sing for the lands lost depths below

And I soar above their shadows

For the mystery and the longing

And the sunbeams streaming down

Above the clouds runs the wind

Flying fast and free

I stood high on the mountain peak

Letting it carry me

[7.19.09]

Que es sangre?

The words dance in my heart

What is blood after all?

Nothing, everything

Who are my mother and brothers and sisters?

The ones who have been chosen

But without Your blood

Covering me

I’d have no hope at all

Nor could I belong to you

What is blood after all?

Red life, pouring from open veins

Trying to find a way to let go of all the pain

And without the shedding of blood

There can be no forgiveness of sins

Knowing that my own blood

Could never suffice

Draining every drop

Would never be enough

Even for myself

Shamed and broken, I lay at the feet of my King

Then feel His hand raising me

As His blood streams over me

And I learn that’s what You see

When You look at me

What is blood after all?

My own is nothing

But Yours is everything

Redeeming all of ours

All the pain

All the life

Blood bought

[This had a lot of different sources.  Conversations with Jordan, a sermon by Titus, Ted Dekker's Circle Trilogy, Plumb's song Cut...  written at RP Family Camp.]